What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 17.06.2025 09:14
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
She found it foreign!.
Why did i forgive my father ?
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I could never make a relationship work though!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
How can couples reverse the buildup of resentment once they notice it?
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
She married twice! .
What are James Potter's flaws?
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Do people really have sex with animals?
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
What is your first experience having sex with older men?
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
How do you go about getting invited to an orgy?
I was very sick at this time too.
But ive been too sick for many years..
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
One cannot live in the past .
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
But, we were locked up after school.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Im still living with it.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
We all went to grammer schools
Who then, do I blame.?
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I will be 64.
All the time i was locked up.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
So, i spoilt her more .
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I was 9 years of age.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
We were not on the streets..
My family never makes their pension either.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
(And it was in our own minds.)
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
And who doesn’t know suffering?
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
And i lived it daily.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
But it wasn’t much.
This is soul school!.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
What did i know ?
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
It was going to be , some day.
Comes on , in middle age.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
When she asked me how she looked .
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
He resisted the act ,that day.
She was in good health!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Especially a lifetime of it.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I know ,a lot about trauma.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I think the readers, may guess!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
She wouldn,t have been !
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
She loved him until the end.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Ive learnt so much.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Would this be the day?
I was scared of men, in general
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
My life is so biszare .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I have no regrets .
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I said to her
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I waited trembling.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I was seconnd youngest,
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
So whats the point in blame.
Put me off passion for life!!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Where the ultimate outsiders.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I write beautiful poetry .
I couldn’t, believe it.
Was to survive, this bastard.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
He knew the spot.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I don,t even have a pension.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Im dying but, im not bitter.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!